Decision Making

So life is not a simple thing...  There are so many decisions you have to make once you get to a certain age...  It's like once you move out you have to make decisions that are best for you in the long run even though its the last thing you'd ever want to do...  

Yes if you dont know, I am planning on moving to Charlotte in the fall to be attending the Art Institute for graphic design.  Its something i truly want to do, but just in the fact of moving i'm having to give up things...  Like with Injun Joe... This was the band that i knew would go far because it seemed almost like a dream team of band members.  but i realized that once i move i wouldn't be able to make it back each week for practice.  And i knew it wouldn't be fair to do that to them because if they had a bunch of shows lined up and then i have to leave it just wouldn't be fair...  I hate that i have to leave though because its something i really wanna do and i know i'm going to miss playing shows so much...  But hopefully i can get something going in Charlotte?  Regardless i wish the best of luck to Injun Joe and you better all go out to every single one of their shows because they are brutal as CRAP!

I've also been thinking alot about other parts of my life...  I'm truly thinking about becoming Straight Edge again..  I know the first time i just let junk get to me and thats why i quit because i thought life was changing and i wanted to fit it.  but even when i quit claiming it i realized i still didn't change anything because i am me and if people dont like that then i dont care.  And as before i believe that being Straight Edge truly brings me closer with God because i have no distractions in the way.  I have also come to realize that i Hate alcohol.  No i'm not hating on people that drink it but its just the fact that i've seen it mess up too many things.  I've seen people do too many things that they never would of done if they weren't drunk.  Too many things happen that mess up peoples lives for a long time.  And not only does it mess up peoples lives but it messes up the lives for people around them.  They have people constantly worrying about what happened in the past and it could happen again regardless if they rarely drink anymore.  And i know some people can do it under control and just do it casually and once again i'm not hating on people who drink its just the fact that i'm tired of feeling this way.  I hate the fact that everytime i hear the word alcohol i get scared inside because of what things could happen.   So yes, I just HATE alcohol. 

but i'm done with my rant...

I love you all.

God bless!

~Kyle

Then and Now

So lately i've been thinking...

What ever happened to television shows that actually meant something?  I was watching abc family today and it was showing reruns of great shows from when i was growing up like Family Matters and Full house as well as this morning i caught some of Dawson's Creek.  These are just a few but these shows where/are truly amazing shows.  Not just because they were entertaining... but they also taught a helpful lessons that would help out in everyday life.  Such as on Family Matters earlier..  It was black history month and Laura thought it'd be neat to maybe have a Black History class just to help people learn about it and everyone was cool with it but then when she got to her locker it was open and had a note in it that told her if she wanted to learn about black history then to go back to Africa...  And when she shut her locker the word "nigger" was spray painted on it.  Racism is a daily occurence for people especially if you live here in the south.  It made me sit there and realize that even though the show was prolly made like 10 years ago that it still happens each and everyday and kids have to deal with this sort of thing everyday and how it affects lives.  As well with on Dawsons Creek, it was probably one of the first shows to ever be on television with a gay person on the show.  There are people in every culture and every high school and life that are gay.  And there is a huge deal with people not even accepting these people and making fun of them and saying horrible things about them.  On the show there were of course people who didn't agree but then all the people were friends with the person and treated them no differently.  I know not everyone is going to get along but still these shows were created years ago and were facing the same problems that we face today but yet its been years and there has been no change.  I just think it is completely stupid. 

And as for shows today,  They no longer make any shows with truthful meaning behind them.  I mean yes every once in a while there are a few shows that help but most shows today either just make matters worse or show no meaningful help behind them. And the shows back then were not afraid to mention Jesus Christ in their shows.  but today he is rarely mentioned because noone wants to step on someones toes or the fact that he means nothing to them...  What is this world coming to?

So yes that was my rant.  I'm done now.

I love you all

God bless

~Kyle

Worries

Have you ever cared so much about someone that the smallest things make you worry more than you ever knew you could?  Worrying to the point where it makes you almost want to throw up because it gets you so scared?  I never meant to be this way... and i wish i could say that i didn't...  But things tend to get me worried more about the small things with people i love.  And it makes me stop and realize i have done horrible things in life... and those things are in the past... and i have learned and know better now.. And that it is the same situation with people you love.. they know things have happened and it is in the past and they aren't the same way anymore and i should realize that and not ever think about it again.. its just hard.. because you dont ever want to lose that special someone... and you dont want things to happen where they are put in a situation where they dont realize what they are doing and things could happen... and you dont ever want anything to come between you..  I just wish i could stop thinking these things... Please keep praying that i can stop thinking about such things and with my whole heart never think about these things again because i know things are okay and i dont have to worry... and i shouldn't.. thank you alll. 

I love you all.

God bless.

~Kyle

"I need you so much closerrr..."

New Entryyyy

Hello Folks.

Life as of late has been pretty swell i must say!!!  Just been working and school and stuffs.  My last show with Embracing Goodbye was last weekend.  I must say that i do miss it sumwhat but i just wasn't having fun and stuff so it was time for a change.  So now Me, Louis, Will, Braxton, and David are starting a new band!  We are now Injun Joe!  so you should go check out our myspace, its www.myspace.com/injunjoeinjunjoe ! 

Also during this past week Erika has been home on break from school which has been great.  I am able to drive daily to go see her! which only makes me think about how amazing its going to be in a few months where i can just walk to see her!  =)   Also while she has been home she has had her surgery and is recovering well!  She is sore but she's getting better! =)  but yes please keep her in ur prayers for a speedy recovery! Also during this week i have been able to be around her family more which is so great because i wasn't really sure how they felt about me... because i had only been around them like once?  and yeah i just didn't know how they felt about me... but it looks like they like me and i'm so happy about that =)

I also move Erika into her new appt in Charlotte this weekend! =)  i can't wait its going to be super fun to visit!  and whenever i transfer to the art institute i plan on stayin at the same appt complex so we will be very close to each other so i can't wait!!!! =)

About the art institute... I'm still not sure when i want to start? i can either start in july or october??  and if i wait till october i can have like the longest summer than i have ever had.. but if i start in july i'll be able to be around erika all the time? so i'm just not sure? God will show me what he wants i'm sure.  We'll just see!!

But yes that has been my life as of late? everything is going great!  Hope all is good with u as well! =)

I love you all!

God bless!

~Kyle

"A whole new world... Don't you dare close your eyes"

Do You Realize?

Hello Universe!!!

So i've been living life as of late and it has truly been amazing.  Last week was spring break and i had decided that i had truly not really done anything in the past few years for spring break and i wanted this one to be great.  So on wednesday morning i woke up and headed to charlotte to spend an amazing 5 days with my lovely girlfriend, Erika.  Those five days were truly amazing.  We watched lots of movies at lots of good food, cooked good food, and went to Lake Norman!  It was so great!  We had previously been talking about how amazing God's creations are and how so many people pass them by each day without even taking a simple few seconds to notice them.  Such as a sun set, or the trees blowing in the wind or a lake or animals or even us humans.  So we had decided to go to Lake Norman so that we could take time together to just sit and admire God's wonderful beauty.  We began walked down a trail and saw all the different trees and leaves and everything and then as we got near the lake we found a hugeeee rock.  Once we sat down on the rock together we could see the entire lake and all of the trees surrounding it.  It was soo beautiful.  We decided that it was our rock and we are going to take time every once in a while to just go there and sit on our rock and admire it all.  I am truly so happy with this relationship.. i have never been in something like this... I am soo thankful..

Lord, I am soo thankful.. thank you for bringing her into my life..  Thank you for creating all of this beautiful earth that you have created.. thank you for bringing me someone that stops and takes the time to see these things in this busy paced world.  Thank you for bringing the girl of my dreams into my life and allowing me to find my soulmate.  I love you Lord.  Thank you for it all.

I have also been thinking about my past as well lately.  More directly, i have been thinking about my depression and the cutting and pain that came along with it.  I can remember back in high school where i would get so upset and have noone to talk to except for a very select few people.  And i would have nowhere to go and no way to solve this pain other than cutting.  And i know it didn't truly solve the situation but it was the only way at the time that i felt could make things better.  I am so glad that God pulled me through that and yes there are many times where i still battle it and want to cut again but i know its not going to help...  and i know that God is "the only way to dry my eyes" and the only way to solve the pain that i feel inside.  And those times where i get worried about people or about what will happen to them in situations or just any pain...  i dont have to cut anymore... the scars are still here and i am truly thankful of them because i can see them daily and know where i was at that point and how i know things are different now.  With this i am also very thankful of the organization "To Write Love On Her Arms".  There wasn't anything like this when i was at my lowest point.  I felt i was all alone but now its open and shows that there are many many people out there facing the same problems i was/am.  It also broke the boundries and let the world know that it was real and it was there nomatter how people try to hide it.  I think that it is just truly an amazing organization.  If you haven't heard of it please go check them out and see what they are truly about.

Well now this novel is over i believe.  I love you all!

God bless!

Smile Bright!!!

~Kyle

"look into my eyes, past the lines
and you'll see how desperate i am to see clear
i've tried i swear i've tried, to hide
but when i stand to run i get headstrong and fall"